Living with “Gender Identity Disorder”

Gender — being male or female — is a basic element that helps make up an individual’s personality and sense of self. Gender identity disorder is a condition in which a male or female feels a strong identification with the opposite sex.

 

A person with this disorder often experiences great discomfort regarding his or her actual anatomic gender. People with gender identity disorder may act and present themselves as members of the opposite sex and may express a desire to alter their bodies. The disorder affects an individual’s self-image, and can impact the person’s mannerisms, behavior, and dress. Individuals who are committed to altering their physical appearance through cosmetics, hormones and, in some cases, surgery are known as transsexuals.

 

Gender identity disorder typically is diagnosed by a trained mental health professional (psychiatrist or psychologist). A thorough medical history and psychological exam are performed to rule out other possible causes for the symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, or psychosis. Gender identity disorder is diagnosed when the evaluation confirms the persistent desire to be the opposite sex.

 

Gender identity disorder typically is diagnosed by a trained mental health professional (psychiatrist or psychologist). Hear in the UK that easier said than dun first you have to confines your GP then he or she will refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist but if these specialists are not trained in the field you may go through a lot more stress than anticipated as with me nun of the trained mental health professional seemed to understand what I was telling them it was ever “I’m sorry but I do not specialize in this field or as one mental health professional psychologist stated to me “Its all in your head you dote know what your talking about” no prissily that’s why I’m hear asking for your help ha, ha, I found out after prolonged insistence they where trained in the field of HIV not exactly trained in mental issues of GID, after many years I found another psychologist that explained he didn’t fully understand my issues but would help me if asked to witch I did sometime down the line and he as asked referred me to charring cross Gender identity clinic to with I was diagnosed with Gender identity disorder.

 

Now to say I never really had any manger issues with my gender identity before being diagnosed with Klinefelter’s syndrome 47XXY is hard for me to say as in some ways I was happy but felt a need to be dressed in the cloths of the opposite gender, right from a young age a had a profound sense of the other side but never felt uncomfortable with whom I was as a person but after diagnosis of KS and after prolonged high levels of Testosterone I started feeling at odds with myself seeing other females was especially hard for me as I stated to feel I should look more like them, one thing I never felt before was the overwhelming need to have breasts but just looking at another female made me feel more at odds about how I looked- mind blowing – I started to feel inadequate about the size of my cheat and for years I refused to buy silicon breast forms to see if this would help me feel any better about myself alas I have now obtain breast forms but find them inadequate to the size I feel I should be they being a D cup I’m not looking at obtaining a double KK cup.

 

Oddly sometime ago I started fantasizing what it would be like to be with another man and in my cross gendered mind me as a female arqued as it is I have a male body  fantasizing about being with a male sexually this would ever make me gay or bi sexual but I have never felt the need to be with a male in a relationship so maybe I am bi as from time to time I still have thoughts and feelings of being with ever male or female sexually, oddly these feelings only seem to be prominent in my mind when I’m feeling sexual aroused, I’ve always tried to make sense of these feelings, someone once put to me “think of your self as female – could you – happily have sexual intercourse with another man” funny anoth after thinking about it for some time I came back with the answer yes, some say sexual thoughts and feelings have nothing to do with the gender to witch you feel you should be I say its part and parcel of the gender to witch you feel more in line with as females fantasize about men and man fantasize about women in a sexual manner, some would ask have you been with ever male or female yes I have and as much as I may enjoy being with a female sexually there has always been that feeling wile with them that I should in some way be them in a sexual act oddly yes I have been with a male in a sexual act and was more than happy to play the roll of female as I have always fantasized and still do occasionally…

 

I find it odd even sitting hear now wile righting this how much passion I feel for the other side of me how I want to dress how I want to be seen how I want to be touched by another why I keep trying to make sense of all these feelings and sensations I’ve had over the years, why cant I just be one or the other male or female having a normal life as one entity instead of this cross mixed up mind that can’t make up its mind what it wants to be, sometimes I feel I would be better off becoming female full time living as female dressing in the cloths that I seem to be more attracted to, male cloths have no attraction to me they are so boring and drab wearing them is just a necessity but beneath them a body that desires to be clothed in feminine artier I’ve often worn a bra beneath them and I always wear my knickers, you may ask why dote I go out dress female ha take a lot of nerve to do that and I’m not as confident as I’d like to be the thought of people looking and steering at me and shouting obscenities bothers me yes maybe in the right place with the right likeminded people would help me over my shyness of being seen in public.

 

Some days are hard some days are easy some days I just wish I was dead, I cant live a life normally or how I feel I want to live, its not easy being gender dysphonic its certainly not easy living a life that sometimes feels like your living a lie.  

                 

BBC Heath.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/gender_identity_disorder.shtml

BBC Switch.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/gender_dysphoria_transgender

     

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